Finding Calm Amidst the Chaos

The fantasy of the holiday season leans toward the illusion of perfection. Picture gatherings in a home decorated with an artistic flair; the table with food prepared using the techniques of a world-renowned chef; or turbulent family gatherings with never a harsh word uttered. However, reality is that while this season is meant to bring feelings of love and cheer, it also means holiday stress for many.

Some look forward to the holiday season with enthusiasm while others dread the last months of the year. There are dreams, hopes, emotions and so much stress, regardless of perspective. Stress is a very real part of our lives. While it can be useful when a flash of adrenaline is needed to remain focused, long-term stress can be detrimental to physical and mental health and ruin the holiday season.

This year brings an extra layer of anxiety considering our concern for the health of our community, a controversial political season, and economic uncertainty for both downtown businesses and those reliant upon agriculture. Finding peace is essential to well being.

Managing your holiday stress begins by establishing boundaries:

Financial stress – Make a budget. Budging creates boundaries and these boundaries help you involve impulse purchases and the “morning after Christmas financial flu” (That sick feeling you have when you realize you have spent too much, have credit card debt, or can’t get the bills paid)

Scheduling stress – Budget your time as well. You decide where you go, what you do and how much time to invest. Do you want to host Christmas Eve dinner?– then say so. Do you just want to stay home this year? Then do that. Traveling hundreds of miles to spend Christmas Day? You get to decide where, when and how long.

Health stress – This year there are hard decisions to make. Open communication is the key to managing this stress. If you are nervous about a family gathering, express that concern.

Identifying role stress – If you know you will be sleeping on a lumpy bed at Grandma’s house or have a passive/aggressive in-law. Recognize that it is not about you for this period in time. Be supportive, gracious, and kind.

Conflict stress – if family conflict ranks high on your holiday stress list, deal with it before you even pack your bags. Set boundaries on topics to discuss or even people to discuss with. You can’t control others, but you do get to decide your response. Settle in your heart what you will and won’t expose yourself to.

Roy T. Bennett, in his book “The Light in the Heart” says, “Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.”

The theme leads us to think outside the box and to seek avenues to bring peace to ourselves, our families and those around us.

Some ideas to reduce or manage stress this holiday season include:

Embrace Imperfection

Check your bar. Is it set impossibly high? Perhaps good can be good enough. Before you start planning for the holidays acknowledge that things may not go exactly as planned – and that is ok! Imperfection is healthy and normal. Many family memories and traditions began as “plans that just didn’t work out as planned.”

Establish What is

REALLY Important

This is where your values come into play. If a “House Beautiful” decorated home is your top priority, then by all means focus on spending time decorating your house – inside and out. Perhaps starting a family tradition involving setting up the Nativity complete with reading stories and/or bible verses is your goal. Then focus on developing a plan to ensure that there is time to make that an event. If having family together for a picture-perfect meal is the most important facet of the holidays, then come up with a time efficient strategy to create that scenario.

When everything becomes equally important, stress becomes the uninvited visitor. When facing moments of overwhelming stress ask yourself,

“Where does this current frustration fit into the grand scheme of things based on the priorities I have set?”

Can I take this moment to reflect on things you are grateful for?

How could I show kindness for others?

Control What You

Can Control

You have no control over others’ reactions during holiday stress, but you can control how you respond. When encountering a difficult person remember “everyone has a story” and you have no idea what they are dealing with. Remember that the holidays are especially difficult for those who are alone, or who are grieving the loss of a loved one. A deep cleansing breath can result in a shift of gears and bring a new perspective.

Be Kind

Doing for others brings feelings that are hard to describe but are so very real. This year there are families who are in need who have never been in that position before. Applying the “Pay it Forward” concept will be most appreciated. Perhaps you know a health care worker who would appreciate their driveway shoveled or would appreciate having their Christmas lights hung. A family with a restaurant that has been reduced to half capacity may be grateful for a gift card to purchase gifts for their children. The grieving widow might be receptive to a dinner invite. There are countless ways to show kindness.

More individual strategies to manage holiday stress may include:

Be an Active Listener

Try being more attentive during conversations even if your mind is racing to other topics. There are times when kindness comes in the form of an open ear.

Be Open to the Emotions of Others (and Yourself)

Be mindful of how people are feeling and be open to their communication of those feelings. They are very real to them. You might also be experiencing those difficult emotions. Allow yourself to make space and acknowledge your feelings rather than trying to push them aside.

Let Go of Judgment

‘Tis the season to be kind. Take a step back when you find yourself judging. Even if it is hard to let go of criticism completely, acknowledging that you are judging others (or yourself) may help you distance yourself from being too critical.

Balance the “Shoulds”

Holiday obligations are important but not if they are out of balance with your own or your family’s needs. Trying to please everyone can lead to resentment and burnout. It is ok to say no sometimes!

Practice Compassion

for Yourself

Meeting your needs for sleep, nutrition, and mindfulness make it possible to be more kind, and more giving to others – all in keeping with the holiday spirit.

The holidays are meant to be filled with joy and connections. Begin with an intentional plan to slow down, identify what is important, and enjoy the season. Linger over a conversation with a friend, adopt an “attitude of gratitude,” give generously to the less fortunate, and especially be gracious with yourself and the people you care about.