A Lesson in Grace and Giving

"The greatness of a community is most accurately measured by the compassionate actions of its members." - Coretta Scott King

Since arriving in Glasgow in January of 2016, Bryon and Lindsey Gustafson have been a living embodiment of the compassion that makes Valley County great. The two arrived from Great Falls when Bryon took on the position of youth pastor at the Glasgow Evangelical Church. The couple and all their children live in Nashua. Those children include the numerous foster care kids who have been welcomed with open arms into the Gustafson home.

The two exude a quiet humbleness, graced with empathy and generosity. While they were honored in Helena on Tuesday, April 16, with the Jana Elliott Memorial Resource Parents of the Year award, the only pride on display is when they talk about their children, "I'm a proud mom," said Lindsey, as she scrolled through her phone to find her favorite family photo of 10 smiling kids. When it comes to parenting and fostering, they take it as a given that this is what they should be doing. "It's the calling in life from God," she said. Bryon elaborated, "Parents don't think they're going to get awards for parenting."

They both stressed they did not become foster parents for the recognition. Even when talking of their own journey to enlarging their family, the Gustafsons spoke in terms of giving, of what they have given and what they have to give. In two years as foster parents, they have taken in 10 children from the state system, adopting one and continuing to provide a home to another who has technically left the system after turning 18 years of age. The children have ranged in age from one to 18 years of age, though they tend to learn towards taking in teenagers. "There's not a lot [of foster parents] who want to do that, so they end up in group homes otherwise," Bryon explained.

The Gustafsons see a great need in Montana for foster homes, noting there has been a drastic increase in the number of children in the state system. According to Bryon, Montana ranks third in the nation per capita of kids who need placing. Both Lindsey and Bryon note the difficulties associated with foster parenting but focus more on solutions to those difficulties. The two are involved with Fostering Love, a program run by Jenn Calkin, who also runs Izzy's Closet, originally named Mia's Closet (story in the Dec. 12, 2018, edition of the Courier), and their children volunteer their time to watch the kids of other foster parents at a monthly support meeting. "It's super cool," said Lindsey of her kids having a chance to pay it forward. Fostering Love offers a cohesive place for information available to parents, from CASA workers to organizations who can offer further support.

One common negative view about fostering, they contend, is the issue of dealing with "the state" or "the system" but the couple has taken an empathetic approach, acknowledging everyone involved got into the work because they want to help children. "If we can keep that in mind, that we are here for the children, if we team up, it works so much better," said Bryon. Lindsey added, "We make mistakes, they make mistakes, but if we work together it increases the success rate. And it keeps caseworkers in their jobs. You gotta have grace and patience and love and understanding."

In discussing the Child Protective Services program for fostering children, the Gustafsons acknowledge the system can be intimidating and lengthy. But they are here to help with that too. "We rushed through it because there was an emergency need, but they would have worked with us on our time frame," said Bryon. "And we didn't know what we were doing," added Lindsey. He keeps packets of information in his office at the Evangelical Church for anyone who might have an interest in becoming a foster parent. In addition to the packets, he said, "I will go with you to the CPS offices. I will walk through it with you."

Though taking in foster children can be a daunting challenge, the Gustafsons have seen the positive outcomes in person. While hesitant to talk much about their own award, "Seems a strange thing to be congratulated for," Lindsey said, the two lit up when talking about the table full of foster kids who were there to receive their own awards. "That was my favorite part," gushed Lindsey. "It made me tear up, it made me so emotional." The couple relayed the story of a young woman in college who had come up through the system and is now working towards a social welfare degree, and how there is so much potential in these children to offer a much-needed perspective as adults working to improve the system, to help foster children and parents.

When the Gustafsons did speak about accepting their award, it was with a nod to all the parents and workers who give so much, and with a wish that everyone across the state could be honored. They also noted how wonderful it was to see northeastern Montana so represented at the awards event, pointing out Judge Yvonne Laird was honored as Judge of the Year and Cherie LeBlanc Dyba, executive director of Eastern Montana CASA/GAL, of Miles City, was honored as Board Member of the Year. The two were touched that Ken Elliott, whom they know through their work with the Church, was there to present them with their award in loving memory of his wife.

While in Helena, the two managed to slip away from an event and find their way to a tattoo parlor. After years of wanting, they made the decision to get matching ink in the form of a cross and inscription "James 1:27", which reads "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world." They knew it was meant to be when they found an artist, "a most colorful man," who had himself grown up in the foster care system.

Like their new ink, the decision to be foster parents for the couple is a permanent one. "There's no turning back now," chuckled Bryon. "We adopted one and may adopt others. Being a parent is a lifetime decision."

For those interested in or with questions about fostering, Bryon may be reached at the Glasgow Evangelical Church, 152 Aberdeen Street or call 406-228-2755.