Millennials Are Killing, Again

One important story got lost last month in the incessant election coverage. Millennials, those prolific killers of all things Boomers love, are at it again. This time they are killing American cheese, preferring “fancier” cheeses, such as asiago, fontina and smoked gouda. Thank you, Millennials. American cheese is trash. The time is long past for its demise.

The long-running trope regarding all the things Millennials are killing has become farcical. Our culture worships capitalism, content to leave our fate in the invisible hand of the market. Millennials are driving demand-side economics now. Can we not attack them for that? They may not be thriving financially, mostly due to many factors well beyond their control, but they are playing a vital part in our consumerism and our vaunted love affair with small businesses.

These feckless killers, armed with their good taste and wallets, have been accused of killing diamonds, chain restaurants, 9-5 jobs, and stiletto heels, to name but a few. And good for them. This is slaughter I can support.

Diamonds, and jewelry in general, can be beautiful and precious. Small and talented small businesses create unique pieces more suited for a generation told by elders that each one of them is unique and deserving of all. They don’t want mass produced, overpriced diamonds doled out by hoarders, Zales. Chain restaurants - not difficult to see why these are also shunned by the youth. They have their place, but in an increasingly diverse world, Millennials appreciate culture and food that reflect that.

Nine-to-five jobs are also endangered but is that really the fault of Millennials? What we think of now as a normal work day wasn’t always so. Millennials may just be returning us to a more natural state of existence, where we can work our best at times that suit our needs. And stiletto heels deserve death. Consider that a revenge killing for all the pain those shoes have put us through over the years.

So keep it up, Millennials. You’re killing it.

Signed,

A grateful Gen Xer