The New Progressive Liberal American Way

Imagine you are a twenty-something single male (I’ll call you Ken) with two children and a girlfriend. You make enough money to enable you to purchase a house. The American Dream, right?

Well, follow along and this is where it gets real good. A feller named John Tabb came up with this formula for pursuing the New American Way Of Life. It’s been proven to work for tens of thousands, if not millions, of Americans and we are the only country on planet earth where it works.

You should always use your mother’s address for your mail. You still live with mommie for awhile. Reason for that comes later.

You would be foolish to get married and here’s why.

You go out and buy a house that you then rent to your girlfriend and the mother of your two children. As a single mom, your girlfriend (Barb) can apply for a $900 a month rent entitlement under Section 8. Sweeeeet!

Barb signs up for “Obamacare,” thus relieving you from the bothersome and expensive chore of finding health insurance for Barb and the kids. Good move, Barb!!

Barb gets a hankerin’ for higher education so as a single mom her college education will be free.

Now she applies for food stamps and gets $600 a month. She is eligible for a free cell phone and free utilities.

Now, you, Ken, tired of living with your mother, move in with Barb but still use mom’s address for all your mail and business stuff.

Now Barb can claim one kid and you can claim the other on your tax forms. Now both can claim head of household and get an $1,800 tax credit. Things are looking pretty rad!!!

Then Barbie in a fit of pure genius claims she’s nuts or that she has incurable back problems and is awarded an $1,800 monthly disability stipend. She gets to keep her kid.

Seems this is as illegal as a Ponzi scheme but in fact it is perfectly legal and by the book. Is it any wonder people from all parts of the world are clamoring to be admitted to this wonderful country and will go as far as to enter our borders illegally? Imagine that!!

As a disabled stay-at-home mom Barb will net $21,600 in yearly disability entitlements, plus $10,800 in free housing, plus $6,000 free “Obamacare,” plus $6,000 worth of free food, plus $6,000 in Pell Grant money to spend, plus $12,000 a year college tuition free from Pell Grant plus, an $8,800 tax benefit for being a single mother!!

And you, Ken, get the government to make your mortgage payments. Yikes!!!

Is this a great country or what?!

Yes, it’s a great country … it’s just that our leaders and lawmakers are completely incompetent (or is that incontinent?) morons. Who else could come with such a convoluted scheme of rules and regulations?

Oh and BTW, a married stay-at-home mom gets $0.

That’s it for now, folks. Thanks for listening.

(Time to do your fact-checking Horace)