Do You Stand Up Or Sit Silently?

There seems to be so much focus on bullying these days. You see viral video posts of kids being beat up by kids, movies about kids being cyber bullied and constantly hear about bully prevention. It's seems to be some kind of new fad to stand up against bullies. So here's the question, do you stand up against bullies, or do you sit silently.

It's always been my philosophy that communication is the world's biggest problem. I sometimes sit on the edge of my chair biting my tongue at meetings or in a room full of people because I so badly want to speak up for someone else. I truly believe that if people learned to communicate better with each other, that several problems would be solved. Transparency in life.

It seems that often people can be picked on for “over-sharing.” No one wants to know the skeletons in your closet, or maybe they claim not to care. The truth is, most people are curious and sharing a little about yourself and maybe why you do some of the things you do can make a big impact.

Bullying has impacted my family, and I'm sure most of you could probably say the same. It seems it doesn't matter how smart, attractive, creative or driven you are, people will find something to make fun of. My brother would come home with bloody noses, often telling me to shut my mouth and not tell my parents about the kids that tormented him. My other younger brother (13 years younger) also went through some severe bullying. My mother has had issues with bullying in the work place.

When I think about myself, I've been pretty lucky. I had one year that was pretty tough. I was in an awkward in-between everything stage in junior high and the girls picked on me for not wearing the $50 name brand sneakers. I let a lot of that roll off my back and continued to be me. At one point I knew people by their shoes better than their faces because I was afraid to look up, to be noticed. I grew out of that phase and friends encouraged me to get into drama. I can say it pushed me out of my shell and allowed me to open up. I may not always be the most liked person, but I am a person who is very open and honest to those around me. I also choose to communicate when I have an issue with something. I'm not afraid to ask questions.

So that question again, do you sit silently, or stand up? It's so much harder to answer with a yes or no isn't it? I think about times in my past, three boys in particular that were terribly bullied during school. I remember at times speaking up and telling the bullies to leave them alone. In turn they'd get picked on for me saying anything. So I then said nothing, and would wait at the end of the playground and walk home with one of them. I might not have hung out with them during recess, but I often would show them that someone cared. I also have regrets during a few points, I should have stood up.

I often think about my brother. He was only a year behind me. I think about all those times I said nothing, those times I thought, this is a fight that he has to get through on his own. He today believes that what he went through made him to be what he is. He's an incredibly hard worker, very kind and at times a little hot headed. He's not the greatest communicator, which is what I think got him in trouble. Instead of explaining what made him different and embracing that part of himself, he would remain silent. He put a lot of that focus in discipline and martial arts.

So what is right? Standing by and letting someone fight it out? Or maybe standing up and talking to those bullies? It could be those bullies are misunderstood and maybe they just need someone to talk to.

I think something important for parents and adults to realize, is that children are sponges. If you are a bully as an adult, your children will mimic your behavior. It's important we teach our children about kindness, integrity and tolerance. If someone is different, that's okay.

Adults need to remember that bullies in the work place happen. Unfortunately not all of us grow up with those values. Harassment laws are out there to help curb some of the issues, but there is always that one person that seems to be out to make someone miserable. Instead of suffering in silence, maybe you can open up and talk to that person who is causing problems.

October is national bully awareness and prevention month. While the focus tends to be on pink ribbons and Halloween in October, it's also the month kids are settling in, finishing mid-terms and bullying can be at it's peak. Wednesday, Oct. 22 is Unity Day, it's the day everyone is encouraged to wear their Bully Free Zone gear, or wear orange.

Our local schools have policies in place to help with bullies, but parents and adult role-models can make a big impact on our local youth. Talk to your kids, talk to your neighbors and talk to your coworkers about bullies. I think staying silent during a conflict isn't the biggest mistake, not talking about it at all is.

For more information on how to talk to your kids about bullying, or deal with bully issues visit stopbullying.gov, or talk to your local schools, teachers and administrators on what you can do to help.